Thanks, James Serra for hosting March month of T-SQL Tuesday! You can find the invitation here.
There are some life-changing decisions I had to make in my life, sometimes willingly and sometimes for the good, even when my heart doesn’t want to, but for the greater good. I would like to share here some of the decisions that made a major impact on my life.
From Pharamcist to Computer Technology
I am not a science person at all. I had to become a pharmacist for my Dad’s wish. With all the love in the world, my dad wanted me to chose a career which I hated. He only wished me well and sincerely thought I would have a better life if I could pursue a career in science. He regrets it now, but I know how much my Father loves me, so I forgave him. I learnt a lot through the journey though. I changed my career later and applied to do my master’s degree in Computer Technology here in the USA. For the first time ever, I learnt SQL in my Master’s degree. I loved it, and I decided to become a Database Administrator. Here I am, I love the work I do. This decision was not easy for me. Not knowing if I will be able to survive in technology, I made a decision that changed my career forever. At the time, the only thing that was running in my mind was I had only one choice and I need to take the leap. If I fail, I fail, but there is no going back. I applied to many universities, many rejected me as there is no link between pharmacy and Computers. Universities don’t want to take the science students into computers. One professor, Peter Ping Liu, understood my problem and stood as my Ally. He believed that I can survive with hard work and gave me a chance. I can never forget him in my life. He was my first Ally. Thank you so much, Professor Liu.
From Introvert to International Speaker
I am an Introvert even now. I like spending time alone and do great in 1:1 interactions, but I struggle to speak in front of large groups. At the darkest times in my professional career, I had to choose to speak just to regain my confidence. The New Stars of Data conference by Ben Weissman and William Durkin gave me the opportunity to speak for the first time. I had low self-esteem during that time, and I didn’t know how to stand up for myself. I didn’t have words to share what I was going through at the time. Speaking was not something that I willingly chose; it was just a way out of the struggles I faced due to a toxic manager from my previous company. I vigorously presented day and night at user groups throughout the world. It was mostly virtual, but each time I presented, I picked up a piece of my lost self. At least, I thought that way. When you have no other choice, you choose to gain strength from anything that will help you survive. At the time, speaking was my breath.
From Chaos to Inner Journey
I always felt something was missing, but didnt know what it was and I didn’t dare to look into myself. There comes a phase in life for many of us where we want to literally run from ourselves because of the internal conflict. I tried running away from myself all the time. Anytime I felt any uncomfortable emotion, I always tried to find a temporary escape, like eating, to escape the feeling of anxiety. I used to ruminate on the things I don’t have any control over. I had enough running away from myself and there came a point where I decided not to. I decided to look within myself. It was a scary place I never wanted to visit but I slowly tapped into looking inward to face my wounds. Trust me when I tell you this, I was not able to stay a few minutes with myself. I tried this multiple times to be able to sit with myself for few minutes. This is an endless journey but I was able to meet my inner child, who was struggling to get love. This was the no.1 bold move in my life, to look into myself. Though this internal journey is chaos but for the first time in my life, I am attending to myself. It may take years, decades and heck, it may take my whole life but it is totally worth it. If not us, who will understand us better than ourselves?
This was an emotional post from me. I hope you understand. I am being very vulnerable here, and I don’t mind sharing how I feel.
Well, that’s all from me today. Thank you for reading!
Deepthi Goguri's SQL Server Blog 